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Emotional Infidelity
by
Angie Lewis
Emotional infidelity is the new fad among married couples. Almost
every American home has at least two computers making it easier than
ever to do whatever you want online without your spouse ever knowing
about it. It's cheap, it's easy, and it's fun! You can sit down for ten
minutes and learn more about someone online than you ever could meeting
with them in person in that same amount of time.
The sharing of personal information with strangers online is thrown
around loosely all over the Internet. And this new craze is at its peak
with married women and men sharing their personal and intimate details
with the opposite sex, on chat boards, personal spaces, porn sites,
message boards, and forums that anyone can become a member in.
Emotional infidelity is just kind way of saying, "online dating". Is
your spouse dating someone online? How would you know? Is online dating
a smart thing to do? Some people believe there is no harm in it since it
doesn't actually involve having sex with the person. Online dating has
been played down by society just like the commitment and promise of
marriage has. Emotional infidelity is disloyalty to ones spouse in a
different way other than in a sexual way, that's all.
Sex isn't everything in a marriage, right? Intimacy plays a big part in
marriage, doesn't it? How would you feel if your wife were getting
intimate with another man online, would you like it? What if your
husband were divulging his personal feelings and sexual needs to another
woman would you like it? This is online dating.
I think it is very detrimental to both husband and wife in the marriage.
Not only can a simple chat get carried away and turn into sex
eventually, but the wrongdoer is ultimately breaking the bonds of trust
with their spouse by revealing personal and sacred information about
himself that ultimately belongs within the marriage!
Emotional unfaithfulness can hurt just as deeply as physical
unfaithfulness, and sometimes, even more. There is definitely something
wrong in the marriage when one or both spouses are going outside of the
marriage for love and acceptance. This is what all infidelity between
couples is all about. It's about the need for acceptance.
When we are not getting our emotional needs met at home, we seek it from
someone who will give it to us. We want to feel good about who we are.
We want to be loved and acknowledged for who we are. We want validated
and needed. We want to be told that we are good people. If those needs
aren't getting met through the person we married, what do we do? Where
do we turn?
We go online and find someone who will give all of those needs to us. It
is like an alcoholic who craves a drink. He'll do just about anything to
get that drink, hurting others in the process. Eventually, he'll get
that drink and he'll drink it down and like it so much, he'll want more.
Married couples are literally craving attention, emotionally,
spiritually and mentally, and there are plenty of strangers who will
fulfill those needs right online. We can even make them give us all the
attention we think we deserve by lying to them. We can tell them how
rotten and mean our spouse is, so they will feel sorry for us. We can
even tell them we are divorced when really we’re still married.
Online dating is not good for marriage. It is not good for a single
young woman looking for a man. And it is not good for the teenage girl
looking for acceptance and love. Anything can be said and anything can
be believed. How sad.
Emotional infidelity is just as harmful as physical infidelity. I
suggest that if you are involved with someone emotionally to cut it off
before it gets out of hand and leads to something more detrimental to
the sanctity of your marriage. Talk to your spouse. Tell your spouse
what you need and want. Tell them you want to be respected and loved for
who you are.
Don't be afraid to express your true feelings to your spouse. They need
and want this from you. You will be pleasantly surprised how
understanding and tolerable they will be when they see that you love
them enough to share your feelings with them
Go to your wife! Express yourself positively and productively. It
doesn't matter what you tell her, it matters how you tell her. Give your
wife that piece of your heart that really tells her how much you trust
her, need her and want her.
Go to your husband! Share your inner most feelings with him and tell him
you need his loving devotion and attention. Get intimate with your
husband by sharing your heart and mind with him.
What can this do for you? It frees your mind of wasted clutter that
needs to come out into the open. Communicate your wants, desires and
needs with your spouse. It will make you feel closer because you shared
an intimate piece of yourself with them.
Angie Lewis writes on subjects such as love, sex, and intimacy between
couples. Her books center on the biblical foundations that God outlines
for couples to follow for an exceptional marriage. Angie writes numerous
articles and e-books covering such issues as adultery, addictions,
temptation, and forgiveness in marriage. See website for more
information about Angie's books or online marriage ministry.
http://www.heavenministries.com
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