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How to Apply Productive Communication in Your Marriage
by
Angie Lewis
In the past few months I have done some due diligent research into the
troubles associated with marriage. Not to my amazement, I have
discovered that in eight out of ten marital qualms, negative emotions,
feelings and attitude, played a big role in the outcome of a couple’s
marriage. Am I surprised? Not really.
I know somewhat about how emotions can wreck havoc in marriage because I
have been there and done that already. The good news is that through
proper self expression and healing, both husband and wife can learn to
not allow their negative emotions to control the outcome of the
marriage.
Couples get defensive, emotional, argumentive, and controlling with each
other when they aren’t being listened to. How can they listen to each
other properly? Acknowledge and validate each others feelings. Let your
spouse know that their feelings are ok to have. Don’t tell them how
emotional they are, or don’t tell them they’re feelings are wrong.
Instead listen to what they have to say.
Many men feel that women are too emotional, and that may be true, but so
what? Work with her feelings by being understanding and tolerant of
those feelings. After you have validated her feelings, then if you have
a second opinion or something else to add, by all means, do so. But
don’t run away from her, or don’t tell her how emotional she is. She
doesn’t want to hear that from you. Be productive in your expression and
communication.
Women feel that men clam up or become distant and negative when they are
emotional. How can we help our man? By being our man’s right arm. This
is what God intended for the married woman. God gave us women the
insight and talents to be our husband’s helpmate. A man’s talent lies
elsewhere, like providing for financially and protecting his family from
harm.
So how can we not let those pesky emotions control the way we think and
feel? By being positive and productive with how we are feeling.
1. Don’t become chameleons of each other
It is so easy to turn into a couple of chameleons with each other. Your
husband comes home in a bad mood, and what do you do? Lash back with the
same attitude. Now what do we have? A pair of bulls with bad attitudes
butting heads with each other.
Next time your spouse decides they are going to have a bad attitude, go
ahead and let them have a bad attitude, don’t fight it. You certainly do
not need to have one too. Try instead to be understanding of your
spouses negative emotions by applying kind expression. Ask them how you
can help? Remember we are not a mirror of the person we married. We can
allow negative attitudes to bounce right off of us and turn it into
something productive. Try it! You’ll see that it works.
We women are the right arms to our husband’s. That’s what we were
created for. That means we’re to help our grouchy husband’s to see that
they really did marry a kind-hearted woman who cares. So, how do we show
him what he can do to improve the marriage on his end? That’s easy,
through our own nice attitude and not by trying to change his. How
productive is that? Very!
2. Communicate feelings properly
Ironically, we communicate feelings improperly when we have a bad
attitude. With the bad attitude comes improper emotions’ controlling the
outcome of our communication. Now we have a communication breakdown
taking hold of the marriage, and this is when marriage gets derailed
from the positive outlook it needs for proper nurturing and care.
A good marriage needs understanding, acceptance, trust, and giving. But
improper communication mixed with bad attitude and emotions halt these
productive actions from happening.
I highly encourage couples to take hold of their marriage by learning
proper techniques to control their emotions and express themselves
productively for improving the marriage.
Healthy communication during an argument should always be directed
towards self and not directed toward your spouse. Give each other time
to express what they have to say without interrupting. Do not finger
point and blame. Don’t run away or act like the victim. Be thoughtful
and accepting of your spouse’s faults. Stop trying to control the person
you married. Learn to be productive with your feelings, using them in
positive ways rather than negative.
We all have the capabilities of being productive and fruitful in our
marriage; it just takes a little bit of effort on our part to work at
those areas that need a little extra TLC. Try to not base the marriage
upon the negative of what you see in the world but on the positive and
beautiful of what God created for us.
Feed your marriage with godly wisdom and it will grow and blossom into
what God meant for marriage to be. You and your spouse are the two legs
holding up the marriage, when one leg falls, work on what you can do to
repair the broken leg and support the marriage upon the design of the
Master.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen,
slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring
about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19-20
About the Author:
Angie Lewis writes on subjects such as love, sex,
and intimacy between couples. Her marriage books center on the biblical
foundations that God outlines for couples to follow for an exceptional
marriage. Angie writes numerous articles and e-books covering such
issues as adultery, addictions, temptation, and forgiveness in marriage.
Check out Angie’s website for additional information about her books and
online marriage ministry.
http://www.heavenministries.com
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