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Vices and Virtues in Marriage:
Jealousy vs. Trust
by
Angie Lewis
Have you ever had to deal with a jealous husband
or wife? Most marriages at some time or another go through a period of
mistrust and jealousy when their spouse does something to merit
mistrust. Maybe they flirted or maybe they had an affair or it could be
that they didn’t do anything at all to warrant distrust.
More often than not when a spouse is jealous of the other without merit
it means they do not trust them selves. If they don’t trust them selves
they usually are jealous, suspicious, controlling, and insecure. This
can be a living nightmare for the spouse who has to take this sort of
abuse. But it doesn’t have to be like this.
Ask your self. Why am I jealous? Why do I not trust my spouse? What have
they done to merit my suspicions of them? Maybe you have good reason to
feel the way you do. But more than likely your misgivings about your
spouse have gotten out of hand. We need to be honest with our self about
the actions we take in life. The heart of the matter is, we either trust
our spouse or we don’t, there is no in between here.
Where does trust come from? Having trust for your spouse is not just a
feeling but an action as well. It is through our actions that we show
our spouse that we trust in them. It means we feel confident and assured
enough to regard them with our trust. Trust is actually a great virtue
of character that a person holds.
Everyday and everywhere the issue of trust comes up, not just in
marriage. Sometimes we just need to trust people otherwise we might not
accomplish our goals in life, or believe with the faith that we are
supposed to. There might be times when we will need to regain back trust
for someone who has hurt us and this entails that we hold the virtue of
trust within our character.
In marriage, unless otherwise merited, trust should already be an
established commitment by both spouses. Without trust and faith in
marriage there would be so much insecure behavior floating around such
as, distrust, doubt, suspicions, lying, jealousy, possessiveness, and
control issues that divorce would even start to sound good. Divorce over
the issue of jealousy and mistrust?
It is important that couples get to the bottom of why a spouse feels
suspicious of the other. I can tell you what I think and you’ll probably
shrug it off. But I have to tell you anyway. When we do not know who we
are, we have no purpose or connection to the source of who we are, we
tend to live upon our own feelings, ideas, beliefs, and such; those
things become our purpose, which is to gratify self. We don’t have any
real wisdom and understanding as to why our feelings make us feel bad or
why we do the things we do.
In a peapod we are connected to self and what our feelings tell us, and
disconnected from our source and what our source tells us. But our
source is where our life giving spiritual food and water come from. Our
source is where we learn to grow out from the selfish person we are and
into the loving person we were meant to be.
The inability to trust our spouse stems from the lack of Christ in our
life. It is really that simple. We don’t have to be religious fanatics
to be the loving people God meant for us to be. What we do need to do
though is accept and allow Jesus Christ into our life by whatever means
is easiest for us. What’s so hard about that?
Here is how it works. You give Jesus your vices and He will then give
you the virtues of His nature. The fruits we bear come from the living
spiritual Christ in our life. In other words a person’s moral fiber
originates from what he believes, and what he does with those beliefs.
There are many great virtues a man can live by, and there are many bad
vices a man can live by. What I’m trying to say is if you mistrust your
spouse and often feel possessive and jealous over them it is because of
your own insecurities taking over your mind. This doesn’t have to
happen.
Where do insecurities come from? They don’t come from God that is for
sure and they aren’t a fruit of the spiritual self either. They come
from self. If we doubt self, we will ultimately doubt others as well. If
I feel bad about who I am, I will often be critical, envious, judgmental
and jealous of others. These are the insecurities that we create in our
own mind.
It is not fair that we radiate our insecure behavior upon those we love.
That is why God has given us a most special gift called the Holy Spirit.
This is Christ’s Spirit within us. We have the choice. We can either
choose to lean on our own understanding for guidance and behave
selfishly, or we can grow out from the vices of self and become one with
Jesus Christ. Jesus is the virtues of character that I have been talking
about.
[The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity,
and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits
of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness,
orgies, and the life. I warn you as I did before, that those who live
like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the
Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and
faithfulness, gentleness ands self control.] Galatians 5:19-22
The question we ought to ask our self then is, would I rather doubt my
spouse and feel bad about my self and marriage, or trust my spouse and
feel good about my spouse, my self and my marriage? We have choices.
To Read the whole
Ebook on
virtues and vices in marriage click here.
About the Author:
Angie Lewis writes on subjects such as love, sex, and intimacy between
couples. Her books center on the biblical foundations that God outlines
for couples to follow for an exceptional marriage. Angie writes numerous
articles and e-books covering such issues as adultery, addictions,
temptation, and forgiveness in marriage. See website for more
information about Angie's books or online marriage ministry.
http://www.heavenministries.com
Copyright
© 2006 Heaven Ministries ~ Angie Lewis
This article may be reprinted in full by citing the author and website.
http://www.heavenministries.com
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